I spent a good deal of time trying to figure out how I could write about this topic without confessing that it was spawned by my attendance of New Moon, The Twilight Saga. But, eventually I decided – why fight it. It goes to relevance…and the sweet level of innocent romance that we should all be grasping for.
So, I was at New Moon and noticed that no less than three of the movie previews were for films that seemed to have a common theme. I shall sum it up as this – girl is in love with boy (but is frustrated / jilted), girl tries to get what she wants through determination, some magical/mythical force interferes, presents alternate boy crush, girl falls for new boy harder than the first – all thanks to fate or chance or whateveryouwannacallit.
In the first trailer, it was a note left in an ancient Italian wall addressed to Juliet (named, what else, Letters to Juliet).
In the second it was infatuation attached to coins in a Roman fountain (When in Rome).
And finally it was some myth about proposals made on February 29th (Leap Year).
Can you spot the difference?
What it got me thinking was not that Hollywood seems to be repeating itself (really, nothing new about that) but that romance is nothing without the unexpected twists and turns. That the magic we are all drawn to and looking for when we buy into these ideas of myth are really about women wanting to know that their true love is fated – that best laid plans are always usurped by the magic of love. What is love if it isn’t a surprise?
I don’t want to spoil everything for those of you who might be planning to go to these films under the pretense that the girl won’t get the guy in the end – but the happy ending always comes when fate intercedes. Life is never how we plan it, and it always works out better when we let go of the plan and leave the crucial things, like love, to chance.
I should know better than to chastise Tim for missing an exit while Zufalling. We had rolled a NW 3 with a base value of 10 minutes driving. By the map it looked like we would end up in Horseshoe Bay.
Horseshoe Bay, BC Photo credit: sfu.ca
Horseshoe Bay is always a great place to go for a stroll on a sunny Saturday afternoon – so I was looking forward to it. But, Tim missed the exit.
Here’s the thing – you can’t make a wrong turn when you Zufall because you don’t really know where the roll is leading you until you get there. Tim took the next exit, and we ended up driving through the neighbourhood of Horseshoe Bay instead of visiting the village – where all the tourists go. Of course, I knew there was more to Horseshoe Bay than the village, but I had never seen it.
We drove up and along Marine, checking out the million-dollar homes that cling impossibly to the cliff-side to deliver the spectacular view of Howe Sound to its inhabitants. It was inspirational, breathtaking, and completely unexpected. As we descended down toward the yacht club we saw some local kids playing soccer – it seemed like the entire community had come out to support the young superstars. We carried on along Marine, having gotten a little turned around by the zigzag of the road.
The Lighthouse of Lighthouse Park, BC
Suddenly, on our right was a sign for Lighthouse Park and we pulled into the crowded parking lot. I don’t know where those car’s owners were because it felt like we had the park to ourselves. The smell of pine and dirt, the glint of sun off the rolling ocean and the majesty of one of the province’s first light houses – it demanded a long walk in the forest and some scampering up the rock faces. We even ran into an old friend as we were leaving and got caught up.
Tim enjoying the view (and some gloating) at Lighthouse Park
It was another spontaneous afternoon that could have been very different if Tim hadn’t missed the turn. It was also a great reminder for me to not try to plan the unplanned adventure.
“What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” ~ so said philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche back in the latter part of the 19th century. Fittingly, he died of a mental breakdown at the age of 44 – so he knew a little about what he was speaking of.
And while I’m sure that Nietzche wasn’t suggesting that you fill you life with adversity in order to become a person of fortitude, I’m going to encourage you to do this to your relationship…in small doses.
I think a good relationship is strengthened when it is challenged. I’m not suggesting adultery here, rather something a little milder (plus, note I said a ‘good relationship’). I’m saying couples should get lost together.
This all stems not from ponderings of Nietzsche’s philosophy but from catching an old Canadian classic on the radio – Lost Together by Blue Rodeo. I Googled it in my nostalgic state, and while seeing the video on YouTube made me feel old, hearing it reminded me of why being lost together is so magical.
You see, being lost is rare these days. With GPS, Google Earth, and lifestyle schedules that mark every minute of the day, it’s pretty hard not to be exactly where you expect to be. But, when you do find yourselves somewhere else, that’s when the strength of the relationship comes out. You learn to work as a team again, you’re solving a problem together, you’re facing adversity and winning (assuming you aren’t completely directionally challenged). And, in some cases, you let go of expectations and rediscover each other and the space you are in. Romantic, right?
The song itself is talking about love, about being in each other’s mess and it not mattering because you are together. So, get lost together! It will remind you that, to paraphrase Blue Rodeo (and I guess quote The Beatles) ‘Love is all that you need’.
A friend of mine found herself chowing down on the same old Subway sandwich during her lunch break from work. It was the same one she always gets, at the restaurant she always goes to. It occurred to her that she really should have rolled the dice to find a new place to eat.
She remembered thinking about where to go, wondering for a moment about searching something new out, but then laziness and routine kicked in and before she knew it she was asking a sandwich artist for extra olives. It was an uninspired decision based on ease and little else. I suggested that she keep a kit in her desk for the next time an opportunity for a lunch-time adventure presented itself. She went one better and said she was going to put one in her purse. I like how she thinks…you never know when a drone moment will hit that can only be remedied by a bit of chance.
Coca-Cola has just released a Canadian version of their song “Open Happiness” (featuring Kardinal Offishall, Jay Malinowski of Bedouin Sound Clash, and the amazing Beatrice Martin of Coeur de Pirate). It’s a catchy little tune that ultimately is meant to help you equate happiness with opening up a bottle of coke. It’s certainly not the first time an advertiser has used happiness as a tool for sales – in fact, it is behind most pitch lines when you think about it just not quite so blatantly.
When I see happiness as a tagline, it always gets me thinking about the elements of that state of being. How can we really find happiness? Now, that is the question of many a philosophy debate and the motivation for most movements and religions – so I am not going to attempt to answer it here.
However, I do think that we loose sight of happiness the more deftly we pursue the things we expect to deliver it. So, I’ll borrow from the likes of the Dali Lama and Buddha to say that three of the key elements of happiness have nothing to do with physical things but rather letting go of the things you can’t control. These three elements are: being present in the moment; appreciating what you do have; and letting go of expectation.
Kardinal Offishall
Sadly, these things can be very hard to achieve and they alone won’t result in a full life of total happiness – especially when you are up against Western society and culture. But, if you can find moments of it…then you’ll find slices of happiness. So, can you find it opening a bottle of Coke? Listening to a jaunty tune? Rolling the dice? The truth is, you can find it anywhere – the real trick is to keep finding it over and over no matter what you are doing.
Lily Tomlin once said “Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it”. It’s a funny quote – as comedians are want to give – but it’s seems frighteningly true these days. Everyone I meet who is remotely sane, seems increasingly stressed out. And why not? For most of us, day to day life is getting serioulsy pressurized – with work, family, bills, keeping up with the Jones…it does tend to run you down.
Everyone knows too much stress can be unhealthy. One of our recent clients told me she was buying Zufall for her friend who had just had a heart attack. She summed it up with a simple, “The dude needs to learn how to let go!” Isn’t that at the core of a lot of our stress – we worry too much. We over think things. We’re clinging too tightly to the reins. We try too hard to make our lives perfect. We feel compelled to make sure every minute of everyday is being utilized.
I’m all for making the most of life, and being motivated to achieve the things I want but I do agree – we also need to learn to let go once in a while. To loosen our grip on the realities that drag us down and just let the stress melt away.
Lily Tomlin as Ernestine the Operator on Laugh In
If that makes me a little less sane in the eyes of Lily Tomlin – I’m happy to join her company. Oh, you had noticed that during her brilliant career, she has seemed quite capable of letting go, right? Two ringy-dingies….
We found ourselves enjoying breakfast at The Grand Lakefront B&B in Nelson recently – the dice rolled us straight into a soccer tournament, so we had to abandon camping and enjoy the respite of this heritage accommodation – more on that later.
Exterior - The Grand B&B Nelson, BC
Joining us at the table were Stacy and Galileo, a bubbly couple from Calgary. Eventually, we got to talking about Zufall and how it works. They loved it.
It was amazing to me, that they were both attracted to it for very different reasons. For her, it was the lure of not having to plan, to avoid all the research and work that usually goes into a road-trip. For him, it was the lack of accountability. He loved that nothing on the trip could ever be his fault.
We often find that men and women like to Zufall for different reasons – women like the romantic notion of spontaneity – the surprise of it all, and to be completely unencumbered by the planning. Men like that it’s easy and it releases them from expectation (their own and their traveling companion’s).
Either way – it makes for a simpler vacation and forces you to take it as it comes. Everyone is more relaxed and enjoys the journey. When it comes to the battle of the sexes and Zufall – there isn’t much of a battle at all.
When I explain Zufall to people, the often ask “but what if the roll leads you to nothing – doesn’t that ruin your time?” It’s amazing to me how limiting this fear of disappointment can be. Yet, so often when we plan something, we still encounter that disappointment.
There are many ‘happiness philosophers’ (yes, there are many of them) who subscribe to the notion that you simply need to decide to be happy to live a life of happiness.Zufall is the same way – decide to have an adventure. After you roll, realize that everything from then on is all part of the adventure. Be observant and engaged in the journey, discover what the final destination has to offer. And if all else fails, see the destination as the next starting point.
I was zufalling with a friend one day and we picked an inauspicious starting point. We rolled a NE/6 with the base value of two blocks.After 12 blocks, we’d had a lovely walk in an unknown part of town but found there was nothing in the way of coffee (which we were both craving) at our destination.We decided to keep the journey going and went another 12 blocks – shazaam. We discovered this amazing, out-of-the-way chocolate shop where we indulged not just in a great coffee (mocha latte to be exact) but also some sumptuous homemade truffles.
Before we found the shop, we had both agreed that the walk had been excellent and given us a chance to really catch up while getting some exercise – and the fact that we walked twice as far meant we didn’t feel quite as guilty about our decadent treats.
Recently, a story was shared on our main website (thanks for sharing your story) where a couple of kids got a chance to roll the dice to determine which city park they would take their dog for a run. It’s always great to hear about kids getting involved in Zufall.
One of the things I love most about Zufalling is that no matter where I end up, I find something to appreciate. I let go of expectations and go with the flow of whatever I discover – it’s all part of the adventure. In a way, it makes me feel like a kid again – the way a summer day would just unfold under your bike tires and you never really knew where that banana seat would carry you.
Of course, not a lot of kids get to experience those carefree summer days any more so it’s nice to give them an unscheduled day of possibilities. Besides, it’s such a great lesson for kids. So often, they get frustrated with things not going their way or when something doesn’t meet their expectations. I’ve seen a tantrum or two sparked by this. So, why not remove the expectations altogether? When you Zufall with kids, it’s the thrill of not know what the roll will bring. It gives kids the opportunity to develop coping skills – to learn to make the most of a situation. Plus, when they get to roll the dice, they feel in control of the adventure – it’s their adventure.
I’m so glad families are using Zufall and I can’t wait to hear more stories from them.
We always say that even if it looks like the dice are taking you somewhere you’ve been to, look for something new. Like if you are Zufalling for a place to eat and it takes you to your usual haunt, make a point of trying something new on the menu – or roll the dice to see what you should eat. The other day I wanted to go for a walk through the neighbourhood. I do that a lot, so there are few places I haven’t seen. I set my parameters at 1 = 10 minutes walking and then rolled a 4/ NE. This delivered me to a park called New Brighton – I’ve been here dozens of times; there’s a pool, a beach and a lovely gravel path. But since the dice had delivered me here, I decided to try to see the park with fresh eyes. And, lo and behold there was a historical plaque on a massive stone marker. I could hardly believe that I had passed by it so many times. The plaque (pictured) explained the history of the place – that this park was once a country retreat for all of the city folks in New Westminster. For anyone who is not familiar with Vancouver (where this park is located), New Westminster would now be considered a suburb to Vancouver. Finding out about the area history was a nice little bonus to my walk and I carried on through the park trying to picture this oft-forgotten East Vancouver park as a vacation destination. It was truly a new perspective. -
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